1 Peter 3:1-2 and 7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives….Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

So you ask “what if my marriage is the pits but I want to stay married? To the woman the Word says “submit” and to the man it says “be considerate and respectful”. Why? For the woman, you may win your husband to Christ! Is he worth it? For the man, God will hear your prayers. Is it worth it? Sir, is it possible that all your prayers have gone unanswered for years because you have failed to be considerate and respectful of the woman you married? Just think what it would be like for both of you to begin to walk in lockstep with God and be blessed in your marriage.

My husband and I were married for just over 38 years before he died. We were already believers when we met but we were young and tempestuous as any couple could be. But we learned to worship together in public and private. He would pray for me and I for him. Why not start over with that? Start honoring God first together and see what happens. We tend to forget that marriage is God’s idea and if we are going to succeed at it we need his help. Marriage is a framework within which individuals have an opportunity to be their best selves and be a Power Point presentation of what God can do with two lives submitted to him.

What if I’m not married yet but want to be? Marry someone who will pray with you and for you in public or private even if, as my daughter puts it, “he is no more attractive than concrete” or in the case of a woman, “a plain Jane”. I exaggerate of course, but the point is that your beloved’s appearance need please no one but you. Marriages do not succeed because partners are “trophy” grade. They succeed as you become aware that you are “heirs with each other of the gracious gift of life” from a faithful God.